So much to discuss and so little time and space. What to do? Let's get right down to it, dear diary.
First thought was once again those Robocalls and the dilemma that is now facing the people who run the federal elections show.
Why doesn't Elections Canada just phone up Vlad Putin, that Russian guy who runs that Putin School of Ballot Counting and Credibility for some first-hand advice?
Just a thought. I understand his school is very efficient at getting him elected to whatever position he desires. No reason why it couldn't work here.
So speaking about getting elected or selected or whatever ... I'm terribly disappointed that Stevie Wonder, that Harper boy, chose not to recommend me to take on the job as Saskatchewan's next lieutenant-governor. I just don't understand his logic. He knows I'd be the cheapest lieutenant-governor they've ever had and with Stevie and Brad doing all this talking about holding the line and picking up bargains and discounts whenever and wherever possible, they missed the obvious when they overlooked moi.
Instead of one of those limousines, I could have motored to all my appointed destinations around the province in my well-worn but effective rust-bucket two-seater truck. That aide de camper guy or girl could ride shotgun. There's enough room for two plus sandwiches ... no cupholders though. We could pitch tents for overnight trips in the summer and mooch off friends at winter stopovers. Who wouldn't like to put up the lieutenant-governor for one overnighter?
Forget about having to plan and pay for banquets for Lt.-Gov. Norm, I'll take care of my own meal with a fast food window run-through before I stop to confer wisdom on my subjects. I'll be sure to use the coupons and if aide de camper is along, we'll use those two can dine for the price of one specials. And forget about having to play all that procession music as I enter the room. We can download what you need on a phone, can't we? Just turn up the volume when I get close to the door.
Of course I'll require one more pair of dark blue socks and one more white shirt because I understand there will be a few more formal occasions to attend. I might need a little more shoe polish near the end of my term, but we can discuss that later. I have enough neckties.
I already have a nice provincial pin to stick on my blazer. Grant Devine gave it to me while he was cleaning out his desk near the end of his regime ... I so don't need any more of that kind of stuff. In fact I even have my own Saskatchewan flag and a Roughrider flag too, if we feel the need to spice up some boring event with a few 'Rider fight songs. In fact, while I'm thinking of it ... instead of having some stuffy military guy as my aide de camper, why not Gainer? I mean the lieutenant-governor ain't gonna schedule any events on 'Rider game days, is he? So Gainer will be available. We can pack the Gainer costume in the truck bed, grab the sandwiches or hit the drive-through, throw the tent over the wheel well, and away we go! The rust-bucket still gets pretty good mileage.
In other words Stevie, I defy that Vaughn Schofield woman to do the lieutenant-governor schtick any cheaper than me! I mean her hair-dos will most certainly cost you more than my straight ahead don't worry about the bald spot barbering needs.
Let's face it, Stevie boy, you missed the boat when you didn't choose me as a lieutenant-governor.
Effective? Well, I really don't know, but I know I cudda done it cheap and apparently that's what you guys are wanting this year isn't it?
In the meantime, while I await my appointment to the Canadian Senate, you may contact me at: [email protected]
