Why do NHL players sport the worst and messiest hair in North America? What we've seen this year for coiffed puck clubbers is simply awful and getting worse.
Then to top it off, the playoffs have started, which heralds the beginning of the infamous playoff beards that only add to the overall ugliness.
You match these guys and their 2012 mullets with Don Cherry's wallpaper suits and neck brace shirt collars and you have a huge pile of NHL Ugly. Good thing the league at least has a dress code, otherwise these guys would show up in grey sweatpants with baggy knees and torn muscle shirts and sweat-stained baseball caps ... worn backwards of course, or just off to the side like the gangstas.
Do these dudes not realize that their long locks of carbonated frizzes lead to one bad case of helmet hair, which is actually worse than toque heads on the ugly scale. Then they crawl out of the shower and try to put a curly cue look to their streaky bangs and mullets and ... well, it simply spells disaster for those of us viewing at home, especially if they forget to put their teeth in before talking to Cassie, Brian or Pierre.
Are there no hairstylists in NHL cities? There should be a couple of barbershops at least, shouldn't there?
Just wondering.
So while I'm in my sports attack mode ... (I'm a recovering sports reporter, I can't help it), would someone please explain to me the meaning of the post game ritual that requires each and every member of the winning team to give the goaltender a head bonk with their helmets? Is this a sign of endearment? Well, I suppose it's better than a clumsy high five or first bump, but really ... team up and buy the guy a post-victory beer. He's already wonky ... he's a goaltender for crumb's sake, no need to heap more abuse on him.
Those little bench skate-by glove slaps following each goal are also unnecessary rituals me thinks. But then so are those terribly loud musical interruptions every time a whistle blows to stop play. The sounds of the game used to be a poignant part of the entertainment. Now we have to listen to 23 seconds of 1970's rock anthems every time a whistle blows. At least they could play Brahms' Lullabye after the opposing team scores. A little change of tempo wouldn't hurt. Or maybe Close to You, by the Carpenters? That would really get the crowd pumped, doncha think?
I do like the idea of shaking hands with the enemy at centre ice at the end of a series. At least that sends a positive message. I guess that message might be that "we hated you while we played this game, but we're really a band of brothers who are engaged in a special sport at a special level and we acknowledge your skills. See ya on the links and banquet circuit later this summer and we'll swap some stories."
We just hope that when these guys do finally get to the offseason, they'll find some razors, barbers and hairstyists who know how to handle the tough jobs.
As for those handshakes ... I can hardly wait for that Flyers-Penguins series to end to see what happens there! Handshakes or more bad hair pulling?
Park, who is impeccably groomed every morning and even trims his fingernails once a month, will be pleased to accept your e-mails ([email protected]) answering this soul-searching question.
Who has the worst hair in the NHL? Is it Scott Hartnell of the Flyers or Ryan Jones of the Oilers? Discuss in 25 words or less. If you need a primer, Google and giggle and cast your vote.
