Last week a friend dropped by and invited us to a big birthday party he was throwing for his wife. It was to be one of those special parties (let's just say she was celebrating the end of another successful decade) (or five) and he wanted to make it a memorable event.
Now, nothing could help make a birthday more memorable than a specially designed cake. And since my wife is pretty creative at designing and decorating novelty cakes, we offered to help out.
Well, I say "we" offered. Technically, I guess it would be more accurate to say I offered for her to make the cake. And the moment the words were out of my mouth, I realized I had once again wandered into a minefield wearing clown shoes.
Once our friend was safely out the door my wife was up one side of me and down the other like a weed-whacker gone berserk. It's not that she minds making a cake, especially not for close friends. But she just hates it when I volunteer her for stuff.
I did the smart thing and just cringed in a corner and took my lumps, but once she had stormed off to another part of the house, I got to thinking: "Hey, wait a minute ..."
It occurs to me there have been more than a few times she's answered the phone and it's one of her friends, all excited about buying a new house. I'll be sitting on the couch, reading, and I'll hear those words .... "So, when are you taking possession?" And I'll run in and start waving frantically to get her attention, but she'll totally ignore me long enough to say, "Well, if you need any help with the move, give us a call ... no, really ... oh, just a minute - what is it, dear? Stop banging your head against the wall, I'm on the phone to Darlene."
Later on I'll get this: "Hey, I didn't volunteer you. I volunteered us." Right. Except one of us is going to be hauling a washer and dryer up the basement stairs on his back while the other one of us is making sure each piece of china is wrapped in its own individual sheet of newspaper.
When the kids were young, I got any number of calls that went: "Mr. Ling, when your wife filled out the registration form for the Spoiled Brats T-Ball League, there was a box that said "If you want to help coach the team ... Mr. Ling ... Mr. Ling ... what's that noise? Sounds like something thumping against a wall ..."
So maybe I did volunteer her to make a birthday cake. At least she's never come home to these words: "Honey, we're having a fund-raiser and well, I suggested we have one of those booths, where the kids pay a quarter and get to throw a pie at someone ... honey, don't, you'll hurt yourself and you'll tear the wallpaper ..."
I guess nobody's happy to find out they've been volunteered to do something by another person ... but when you think about it, a lot of things wouldn't get done any other way. I've never heard anybody stand up and say "Hey can I be in the dunk tank this time?"
In the end, the cake was a big success and added a lot to the party. So that should be it - a happy ending, right? Except at one point in the party, I came up to my wife at the tail end of a conversation - just in time to hear "...you've got our number - he'd be glad to help out." And she turned and flashed me the sweetest smile. As if to say - "Gotcha".
I think I've figured out why I get those migraines.
Nils Ling's book "Truths and Half Truths" is a collection of some of hismostmemorable and hilarious columns. To order your copy, send a cheque or money order for $25.00 (taxes, postage and handling included) to RR #9, 747 Brackley Point Road, Charlottetown, PE, C1E 1Z3.
