So, is Donnie J. Trump, the Deflector, really serious about owning Canada? He was regarding tariffs. You never know – and with co-President Musk taking over the logistics and action side of the ramp-up of the new style of American conquest, we can never be certain.
In case you’ve been out of the country for a few months, you may not have heard that Donnie wants to make Canada the 51st state of the U.S.A. Some say he was joking, but Deflector doesn’t do jokes. He claims he is serious.
So, co-President Musk may soon be calling on Ottawa to deliver edicts and the paths forward and backward. There will be barriers to overcome, but it seems Musk and his Musketeers don’t care to confront them. He just does things and ignores the legal stuff. After all, what do they know? They just try to get in the way. He’s the richest guy, so he knows how to do things. Legality doesn’t matter.
What will Presidents Elon and Deflector do with Canada’s universal health care system? They don’t know how it works. They have a complicated Medicare and Medicaid system that kowtows to the insurance industry, treating them as cash cows. Under President Deflector, if you want a knee replacement under their plan, be prepared to come up with, oh, let’s say, about $60,000 (in U.S. funds, of course).
Yes, U.S. funds. The shiny, slippery and colourful (oops, Americans spell it as colorful – sorry, Elon) Canadian currency will disappear, as will loonies and toonies. They won’t know what to do with those coins. We’ll be subjected to those boring American bills with pictures of dead presidents – that is, if they decide to bother with actual currency. They may just go straight into Donnie’s recent favourite (favorite) non-negotiable currency (Elon will fix that too): the Strump cyber coin.
We can also expect the end of CPP and OAS. Those billions will no doubt be absorbed by the SpaceX slush fund for further development of rockets and satellites. Of course, we may apply for U.S. Social Security payments, but since all 41 million of us will be illegal immigrants, we won’t qualify. We’ll have to apply for U.S. citizenship first – and that may take a while.
We’ll have to adhere to American government structures as the 51st state. Our population is about the same as California’s, so I presume we’ll get to elect about 20 people to the congressional multi-layered heap in D.C. We’d also get to elect two senators – yep, just two. We’d say goodbye to the 100 or so appointed senators we currently embrace in favour (favor) of the elected duo, who will have as much gravitas in the U.S. Senate as our unelected mob had in Ottawa.
Speaking of Ottawa – well, the never-ending refurbishment of 24 Sussex Drive for Sunny Ways, our current PM, or his successor, can be cancelled. Donnie and Elon won’t wanna move anywhere near there. Too cold, and some of them speak that French language thing.
Speaking of French, I have no idea what Musk and Deflector will do with Quebec. Will it become the new Puerto Rico? Don’t understand the language? Not interested? Forget about it.
Of course, the provinces will become counties (that’s counties, not countries) in the 51st state, and some will probably be renamed. Prince Edward Island cannot be named after a monarch – that’s reserved for Donnie and Elon. It will be renamed Eric Island. Saskatchewan will probably be renamed too because it’s too difficult to spell. We might try to remind Deflector and Elon they rule over a state spelled Massachusetts, but never mind. We will probably become Northern North Dakota.
British Columbia will have to be renamed Lara Land. And, of course, Lake Ontario will be rebranded as Lake Ivanka.
Manitoba? How about X-2? Musk likes the letter X for some unexplained reason, so that’s reason enough.
All those northern territories will simply become part of Greater Alaska and—voilà (that’s French for “poof,” Mr. Deflector) – we have the 51st state of Canada. The lower part is still pretty big geographically—actually bigger than the current mainland U.S.A. – but with only 40 or so million people, no big deal.
The one thing that concerns me more than all the other issues, though, is that I don’t have a clue how many guns I’ll be required to purchase and use. Do I buy pistols, rifles, AR-15s? The last time I fired a gun, I was 13 years old and wounded a gopher. I’m afraid I wouldn’t be a good American for that reason alone. I’d rather not shoot anyone or anything. In America, it appears as if shooting something that moves is a required process to achieve citizenship.
I guess there’s a lot more we could be concerned with if Mr. Deflector and his acolytes – and Musk and his Musketeers – take over, like charter schools (whatever they are) vs. public schools, but we’ll leave it at that for now while waiting for the shoes to drop and a new centre (center) of excellence to be proclaimed.
Oh, and did you notice? We haven’t touched the topic of who will police this new state or what they might want to do with our military, our no-longer-valid national anthem, and our 60-year-old flag. Deflector will handle those little items with a stroke of his Sharpie, and all will be well because, you know, we Canadians secretly want to be Americans anyway. Right?
