?We are getting an indoor cat,? Momma Bear states with clear calm conviction.
?If cats were meant to be in the damn house, God would have taught them to make houses!? I froth at the mouth and decidedly assert my thoughts on the matter.
?We are getting an indoor cat,? that frustrating, stubborn love of my life says again.
?There is no damn way a cat is living in this house! And that?s final!?
HAH! I have clearly pronounced my decree and all will be as it should be; I am the man of my house, over which no cat shall have sway.
As I think back fondly on that day I declared my stupidity, our friendly house cat Jasmine purrs contentedly on her couch. If I?m lucky, possibly later in the day she may feel that I can come over and pet her for a while before she goes to her food bowl and howls for my horrible crime of not keeping said food receptacle full at all times. If I?m also gifted with the grace of kitty, I may enjoy the comfort of my own couch at some later time in the afternoon when she prefers to sleep on the sun filled floor on my slippers.
I have always been a dog man myself with the steadfast belief that dogs are, in fact, man?s best friend. I grew up with a dog named Mrs. Beazley (like the Archie Comic) who adored me and followed me faithfully. Whether I was riding a horse, shooting a squirrel or walking out to the bus, she was always by my side. Dogs are extremely useful animals compared to cats. Most notably, you can speak to them and they listen. Dogs can be trained to fetch, chase domestic animals such as cows, protect the yard, retrieve dead critters from sloughs during hunting or point to critters that need shooting. Yes, a dog is truly an intelligent, glorious creation.
As dogs go, they are even good for chasing cats! Mrs. Beazley was rather adept at cat chasing and while she never hurt a kitty cat, she would race across the yard, nose slightly above the ground, and liberate the cat of all traction by gracefully tossing said cat as high into the air as her neck muscles would allow, and then watch the cat gracefully fall back to the earth. While many of you might say it was meaningless cat torture, it is my belief that she, Beazley, was only attempting to show me that she understood physics! She would look my way with a grin on her face as if to say, ?See, master, gravity is still intact today; the kitty flies, the kitty falls, the kitty is one with the earth. SPLAT, kitty! YAY! Gravity is still working, master! See, see, see, see, see, see!?
?Good dog,? I would say, and she would triumphantly come running towards me for petting and to follow me around the yard, now devoid of felines lest they become her next test subject. Man, was that dog smart.
For those of you that now believe I am some animalist cat hater, I wish to plead my innocence by telling you that I am currently petting Jasmine as I write. She is contentedly purring in my lap, fully pregnant and fully my baby. She sucked on my ear when she was a kitten, mews for my attention when I watch TV and still curls up on me when I sleep; but if Momma Bear walks in the room, Jasmine must immediately be discarded lest the secret of my cat love is discovered. In man code, I can never admit that, ?Yes, dear, you were in fact right about getting a house cat.?
That said, dear reader, there is a more underhanded devious plan at work as I write today. I was inspired by our Jasmine to write that a kitty cat is dumb but there may be hope for felines. My beautiful calico mother cat has shown me that cats do have purpose after all, as she has delivered a lifeless mouse to the mouth of the Mother Bear cave for her approval.
?MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA! You wanted an indoor cat, dear!?
I wait with bated breath for the emergence of that love of my life and realize for the first time, maybe kitty cats ain?t so dumb after all.
