鈥淵ou started it鈥� was an often-used expression spoken by either my identical twin brother Kjell or me. We would get into a physical fight, which at times might have resembled a world championship title bout with no holds barred. Our father would separate us, and we had to sit on separate chairs to cool down. After the cool down period, we had to shake hands. It would be during this shake-hands act that one of us would ask the other, 鈥渨hat happened anyway?鈥� The reply more often than not would be 鈥淚 don鈥檛 know, you started it!
I recall a time when Kjell was visiting us when we lived in rural Alberta. Kjell and I, for kicks, dressed alike; same shirt, same pants and so on, looking very much identical, wearing the same style glasses and the hair done the same, and we drove to the West Edmonton Mall to have some fun and for Kjell to do some shopping.
I was sitting on a bench outside a men鈥檚 store while Kjell was in there looking at pants. I noticed that the cute female clerk who was serving him had a bit of a problem understanding his spoken Norse/English, so I decided to go in there and help him out. The clerk had her back to the door, and when Kjell saw me walking in, he asked the clerk if she had a belt that would go with the pants. The belt display was by the entrance, so the clerk said, 鈥渞ight over here,鈥� and turned around. Kjell immediately ducked down behind the pant rack. She let out a small gasp when she saw me, turned and looked towards the pant rack, but Kjell was nowhere to be seen, so she turned back and with a puzzled expression on her face said, 鈥淗ow did you get over here so quick?鈥� The clerk got very agitated, as she could not comprehend the situation, so Kjell stood up and confessed to our little prank, then he pointed at me and said, you started it!
Ole drove through a speed trap too fast and was pulled over by an RCMP officer. The officer motioned to Ole to roll down his window. The officer looked carefully at Ole and said, 鈥淵our eyes are a bit glassy, have you had a drink today?鈥�
鈥淣o,鈥� answered Ole while looking into the officers鈥� eyes. 鈥淵our eyes are glazed. Did you just come from Tim Hortons after having eaten a donut?鈥�
鈥淎re you attempting to joke with me?鈥� asked the officer very sternly.
鈥淵es!鈥� said Ole, 鈥渂ut you started it!鈥�
Sven had just graduated as an engineering technician, and had responded to a position that had been advertised in the newspaper. He felt the interview was going really well. He had answered all the questions, and he thought he had aced the tests. The job interview was coming to an end, and the owner of the firm smiled and asked Sven, 鈥淲hat kind of salary are you looking for?鈥�
鈥淲ell,鈥� said Sven, while thoughtfully rubbing his chin. 鈥淪omewhere around $125,000 a year, with a good benefits package, and an expense account.鈥�
The owner looked at Sven, smiled and said, 鈥淲ell, how about a package of $150,000 annual wage, including five weeks paid vacation, accidental medical and full dental insurance, the company contributing $25,000 annually towards your RRSP, as well as a company matching retirement fund to 50 per cent of your salary. American Express, Visa and Master Card credit cards will be provided for you and an unlimited expense account. And of course, a company car leased for you every two years, like a top-of-the-line Audi or Mercedes.鈥�
Sven sat up straight, and with a big smile he said, 鈥淲ow! Are you kidding?鈥�
The owner smiled back at Sven and replied with a sigh, 鈥淵eah, but you started it!鈥�
Knut was pulled over on the highway, and the RCMP officer asked him, 鈥淒o you know why I pulled you over?鈥�
Knut smiled and replied, 鈥淏ecause you were bored and wanted somebody to talk to?鈥�
When Knut saw the officer鈥檚 cheeks turning red, and the glare in his eyes, he quickly said, 鈥淗ey! You started it!鈥�
Ole and Sven had worked hard during the week, and now on a sunny Saturday afternoon they were driving Ole鈥檚 10-year-old beat-up pick-up truck down a country road. Ole had grabbed two beers out of the backseat cooler, opened them and passed one to Sven. They were driving down the road sipping the bottles of Molson Canadian.
鈥淗ey,鈥� said Sven, 鈥渓ook up there ahead; it looks like the police have set up a check stop. We鈥檙e gonna be in big trouble for drinking these beers!鈥�
鈥淒on鈥檛 worry, Sven,鈥� said Ole. 鈥淲e鈥檒l just pull over here and stop so we can finish our beers, then we鈥檒l peel off the labels and stick them on our foreheads and throw the empty bottles under the seats.鈥�
鈥淩eally?鈥� asked Sven nervously. 鈥淗ow does that work?鈥�
鈥淛ust do it, and then I鈥檒l do the talking,鈥� said Ole.
鈥淥K,鈥� said Sven, and they proceeded to finish their beers. They peeled the labels off the bottles and stuck them on their foreheads. When they reached the check stop, the officer with a stern look on his face looked them both over.
鈥淣ice new truck,鈥� said the officer sarcastically. 鈥淗ave you boys been drinking?鈥�
鈥淣o Sir!鈥� said Ole while pointing to the labels. 鈥淲e鈥檙e on the patch!鈥�
鈥淎re you joking with me?鈥� asked the officer. 鈥淵ou started it!鈥� said Ole.
