The first time I heard the song it pretty much stopped me in my tracks. I know, that sounds like such a clich茅, but I don鈥檛 know another way of describing it. The song was released months ago by singer/songwriter, Matthew West, but has become more meaningful to me in the last few weeks.
From the first line through to the last, it cuts through the fa莽ade that too many of us put on for others as we pretend that we are fine, no matter what is going on. The song is called 鈥淭ruth Be Told鈥� and begins with:
鈥淟ie number one you鈥檙e supposed to have it all together
And when they ask how you鈥檙e doing
Just smile and tell them, 鈥淣ever better.鈥欌��
The verses describe how we try and keep our messes and wounds behind closed doors, and truth be told, when we鈥檙e asked how we are doing we say we are fine, when really that is far from the truth 小蓝视频 told.
For the last several months the question 鈥榟ow are you鈥� has generally been met with laughter, sighs, concerns, or musings about how life has changed. But something shifted in January. I thought at first it was just me, until a series of unrelated yet very welcome conversations took place. None of the talks were with people I knew really well, but when the question was posed it lingered in the air longer than usual, and鈥urprisingly鈥as followed by an honest inventory. It included a parent who is tiring of 小蓝视频 the family cheerleader. A business person who said a switch flipped in January and people are far more impatient than they had been previously. A grandparent who feels he can鈥檛 complain because he sees how others are struggling. He wants to talk鈥攊f someone would listen--without telling him he鈥檚 got it better than most. On it goes. Conversations with people who looked past the banal 鈥榟ow are you鈥� and wanted to respond in a way that mattered.
A survey of 2,000 people found that the average adult says 鈥淚鈥檓 fine鈥� about 14 times per week yet 59% of us expect the answer to be a lie. Why isn鈥檛 the truth 小蓝视频 told? One mental health expert explained that while most of us say we want people to be open with their feelings, we have little expectation that they will do more than cling to the script. It creates a sense that we are checking in and 小蓝视频 supportive. We鈥檙e asking the right question鈥攚e just have low expectation that much will transpire.
It鈥檚 why the chorus to West鈥檚 song is so intentional in its emptiness.
鈥淚 say I鈥檓 fine, yeah I鈥檓 fine, oh I鈥檓 fine,
But I鈥檓 not. I鈥檓 broken.鈥�
He then pens a line as a challenge for all of us:
鈥淚 don鈥檛 know why it鈥檚 so hard to admit it,
When 小蓝视频 honest is the only way to fix it.鈥�
Honesty. It comes down to 小蓝视频 honest with one another. We need to give the question the time and attention it deserves and stop treating it as a throw-away query. We need to ask it like we mean it, and respond like it matters, because鈥t does.
Honesty needs to be the starting point; 小蓝视频 honest with ourselves so we can be honest with others. We need a place to open up and let truth be told. So, let鈥檚 try and be that person for someone--so someone can be that person for us. It鈥檚 not about fixing issues, but rather fostering understanding. Not glossing over the problems but growing through the pain. Encouraging. Supporting. Accepting.
Maybe, just maybe, what could follow is an embrace of other uses of the word 鈥榝ine鈥�. How are you? Excellent, first rate, exceptional, splendid, superb, top notch or (my favorite word of the week) splendiferous, not because the situation has changed, but because we have people in our corner who now know the truth, and who are still there once the veil has been lifted.
It starts with ending the pretending. Never again wonder 鈥榳hat will people think鈥� but instead believe that people are craving connection with you and trust that others will hear what needs to be said. So let the truth be told. We promise to listen. That鈥檚 my outlook.
