聽 聽 聽 聽 聽 聽 Every four years I, the couch potato, winter sports athlete in waiting, coach and judge, come alive.
聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 I鈥檓 settled nicely in my comfy chair with a hot cup of tea, some munchies and a loving wife who elects to leave me alone.
聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 I noisily cheer on the Canadian and Norwegian athletes alike, alternating between English: 鈥淕o Canada go! 鈥� oh yeah!鈥� and 鈥淗ey ref! You blind?鈥� Or Norwegian: 鈥淗eia Norge 鈥� f氓 ut finger鈥檔, fy flate!鈥� and 鈥淯t med dommer鈥檔!鈥� That鈥檚 when Marion gets torn between using a Norwegian/English dictionary or getting out her noisy power tools to finish a project.
聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 There is a winter sport discipline that is excluded from the winter games. It was invented in Norway and is called 鈥淪kij酶ring.鈥�
聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 The participants are on cross-country racing skis and are hanging on to a 鈥榩ulk鈥� (a single person sleigh), 小蓝视频 pulled by a sled-dog, not a Chihuahua.
聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 The track has the same components as cross-country skiing (one-third uphill, one-third downhill, one-third flat). Of course, there are many curves, as well as trees, to negotiate.
聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 The Swiss have taken this to a different level, they eliminated the 鈥減ulk,鈥� the skier uses downhill skis and is pulled by a horse. And of course, for those of you that have watched Lillehammer on Netflix, you have seen the Laplanders using touring cross-country skis while 小蓝视频 pulled by reindeers.
聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 There is one Winter Olympic discipline that might perhaps be a wee bit more dangerous than 鈥淪kikj酶ring,鈥� namely skeleton, that鈥檚 right its called skeleton.
聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 It was introduced as a winter sport at St. Moritz, Switzerland in 1928. The participants do a running start, throws themselves on to the little one-man sled, and race down the bobsled run head first. I鈥檇 call it a suicide run, but what do I know?
聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 It reminds me of the story about Ole and Sven. Ole had climbed up on top of the safety railing of an observation spot by Niagara Falls. Sven saw Ole balancing on the railing and ran over to grab him before it was too late.
聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 鈥淒on鈥檛 come any closer,鈥� shouted Ole.
聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 鈥淲hat about Lena,鈥� said Sven.
聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 鈥淪he left me a year ago. You remember she told me I had to choose either her or hockey? I really miss her,鈥� cried Ole.
聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 鈥淗ow about you come down and we鈥檒l share a bottle of Akevitt,鈥� said Sven.
聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 鈥淵ou know I swore off booze when Lena left me,鈥� said Ole.
聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 聽鈥淲hat can be so bad that you want to jump? Did your favourite hockey team miss the Stanley Cup playoffs?鈥� asked Sven.
聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 聽鈥淐algary Flames always make the playoffs,鈥� said Ole.
聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 鈥淲hat, Calgary Flames? You just go right ahead and jump, you numbskull you,鈥� shouted Sven.
聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 The definition of a good sports writer covering NHL hockey, is someone who explains
in writing on Saturday, all the reasons why the Calgary Flames have to to win the game on Sunday, and then on Monday he manages to explain why the Calgary Flames had to lose the game.
聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 Valentine鈥檚 Day is during the Winter Olympics, which ought to make all the fierce competitors share love and understanding with each other. Like the Norwegian athlete giving his Swedish counterpart a hug while saying, 鈥淚 love your country; I understand that Sweden has very nice neighbours.鈥�
聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 Still in the spirit of Valentine鈥檚 Day, Lena and Kari were having a conversation over the fence in the back yard.
聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 鈥淵ou must have been sick, I hope you鈥檙e feeling better,鈥� said Lena.
聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 鈥淲hy do you say that?鈥� asked Kari.
聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 鈥淚 saw a doctor leaving your house late last night,鈥� answered Lena.
聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 鈥淲ell, aren鈥檛 you the nosy one? If I saw an admiral leaving your house, would that mean that you鈥檙e going sailing?鈥� asked Kari.
聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 Ole brought a dozen red roses to Kari, the love of his life. He smiled at her and said, 鈥淗oney, this 小蓝视频 Valentine鈥檚 Day and all, I just want to tell you something. I don鈥檛 have a lot of money like Sven, and I don鈥檛 have a big mansion like Lars. Neither do I own a Porsche 911 turbo convertible like Knut, but I love you dearly and I want to marry you, so we鈥檒l be together forever.鈥�
聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 鈥淥h honey, you鈥檙e so sweet bringing me roses and all, and I love you too. But what was it that you said about Knut?鈥� asked Kari.
聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 Lars walked into the post office a couple of days before Valentine鈥檚 Day, to send a gift to
his mother. He couldn鈥檛 help but notice a corpulent, balding middle-aged gentleman in a nice business suit, standing at the end of the counter sticking 鈥淟ove鈥� stamps on bright pink envelopes adorned with hearts all over them.
聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 The man took out a spray bottle of Chanel perfume from his pocket, and doused the hand-written letters with the perfume, sealed them in the envelopes, and gave a quick squirt of perfume on the envelopes as well.
聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 By now Lars鈥� curiosity had gotten the better of him, and he couldn鈥檛 help himself, so he approached the bald gentleman,
聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 鈥淓xcuse me sir, you must have a lot of lady friends, 鈥榗ause I couldn鈥檛 help but notice that you are sending out a lot of valentine letters,鈥� said Lars.
聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 鈥淚鈥檓 sending out 500 envelopes with valentine love letters inside, signed by 鈥楪uess Who,鈥欌�� said the gentleman.
聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 鈥淩eally? You have that many lady friends? You鈥檙e a busy man,鈥� said Lars.
聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 鈥淣o lady friends, I鈥檓 a divorce lawyer,鈥� said the bald man.
