聽 聽 聽 聽 聽 聽 I think I鈥檝e figured out how to revive Saskatchewan鈥檚 malls.
聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 For years, it seems, malls in prairie chicken land have suffered decline. Firing a cannon down the main hall of most malls won鈥檛 cause any injury on any given weekday afternoon.
聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 Here鈥檚 how you change that. You start with pot shops. (And before anyone freaks out, I am not speaking about any specific mall here, as this could apply many malls in Saskatchewan.)
聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 Saskatchewan communities are currently in the throes of sorting how just how many licences should be allowed in their communities, and where they should be allowed.聽 This comes in the wake of the province allotting licences to communities across Saskatchewan.
聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 I just heard the mayor of Moose Jaw on CJME talking about the various conundrums this poses for them.
聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 Here鈥檚 my plan, and any desperate economic development officer is free to steal it.
聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 Most malls have numerous vacancies. A pot shop would fill one. If there鈥檚 extra space, use it for a grow-op.聽
聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 Most malls also have a grocery store. That鈥檚 a perfect synergy as you can swing by and grab your munchies at the same time. Grab some eggs and milk while you鈥檙e at it.
聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 Let鈥檚 face it, in many cases when Mary-do-you-wanna is 小蓝视频 consumed, so is alcohol. Therefore, private liquor stores should be located next door in the same mall. Pick up a two-four with your BC Bud.
聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 The next business should be a brothel. They鈥檙e kinda sorta legal now, aren鈥檛 they? It鈥檚 very confusing. Maybe they can have a chain of Christmas-themed brothels known as 鈥淗o Ho Ho.鈥�
聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 This 小蓝视频 the enlightened 21st century, the brothel should be required by law to cater to all genders. Not just one, or two.
聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 We can鈥檛 forget the casino, since a bar with VLTs simply isn鈥檛 good enough. And if that casino was to become an urban reserve, it should be able to allow indoor smoking, unlike any other place in the province.
聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 If you鈥檙e going to have indoor smoking, other than the aforementioned pot, you might as well have a humidor and smoke shop. Some might even consider a vape shop, because, hey, why not? Some people are trying to quit tobacco. Nasty stuff.
聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 Working your way to the food court (again, think Mary Jane-inspired munchies), you would come across the local meth lab. There might be an opportunity for a dental office next to the meth lab, because meth is murder on teeth.
聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 A pawn shop could be located there, too, so that the meth heads can pawn their stolen goods to pay for their fix, and teeth, too.
聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 With free porn widely available on the Internet, an XXX video store probably won鈥檛 last long, so skip that one. But a peeler bar, serving alcohol, is sure to bring in business.
聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 Since 鈥渞etro鈥� is often considered cool, at least one storefront should be reserved as a crack house. They鈥檙e soooo 1990s, aren鈥檛 they? Early 2000s? I wouldn鈥檛 know. I don鈥檛 know much.
聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 We have to ensure this hypothetical mall includes a safe injection site, and a walk-in clinic, too.
聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 Think of all the jobs we just created. These are legitimate, taxpaying jobs.
聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 With all these ventures under one, climate-controlled roof, there would be so much traffic, you won鈥檛 be able to fire that cannon anymore. The place will be packed with customers wall-to-wall. It鈥檒l be like Black Friday and Boxing Day rolled into one, every day.
聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 And we鈥檙e going to tax the snot out of them. We could pay off the provincial debt in three years.
聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 My modest proposal is just that, along the satirical lines of Jonathan Swift suggesting the English should eat Irish children. I point this out because some people are too thick to figure that out.
聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 As for 小蓝视频 thick, the argument for legalization of all these vices has often been, 鈥淭hey exist in our community anyhow, so we might as well legalize it, regulate it and tax it.鈥�
聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 That鈥檚 precisely what has happened with most of these vices already, including alcohol, casinos, porn and now, marijuana.
聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 Whether you would want to take your kid to such a mall to ride the toy train is another story.
聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 But that鈥檚 the society we live in. If you don鈥檛 want your clothing store to be beside the pot shop, liquor store, brothel, casino, humidor, peeler bar, meth lab, crack house, safe injection site and walk-in clinic, what sort of person are you, anyhow?
聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 Probably one who voted for Stephen Harper.
