It is kind of funny now that I think about it, how I never disclosed my actual age growing up. As a pre-teen when somebody asked me my age, I would answer, 鈥淚鈥檓 almost 13.鈥澨� When I was 17, my answer would invariably be, 鈥淚鈥檒l get my driver鈥檚 license next year when I turn 18,鈥� the age required to obtain a driver鈥檚 license in Norway. However, my older brother Moritz would never let my twin brother and I forget the fact that he was older, in fact way older than us, according to him. He was three and a half years older and bragged that he had the wisdom of Odin and the power of Thor.
After having turned 18, I would say, 鈥渋n three years I鈥檒l be 21, the magic age, the age where a Norwegian should be fully matured.鈥� Yeah right!
听听听听听听听听听听听 After having turned 21, my responses to the age question would be that my 22nd birthday is coming up, the same for all the other birthdays in my twenties.听 Then I made 30. Wow! I鈥檓 getting into my prime and eyeing 40 up there on the hill of life. After having rounded 40 I鈥檇 be pushing 50, which is at the top of the hill. Yay! I crested the hill and made 50. Then I slid downward to 60 and I鈥檓 currently stumbling through 70.
听听听听听听听听听听听 Seventy is the age that I had heard about in my younger years. The myth states I鈥檇 be wearing dentures and swigging Geritol. But that seems not to be the case. For one, Geritol is no longer available, and secondly the dentists now provide teeth implant procedures; so much for the myth.
Welcome to my virtual reality where I鈥檓 enjoying a steady intake of stool softeners and prune juice, a heart healthy diet, a loving wife and a faithful dog.
听听听听听听听听听听听 I have heard of various mental exercises to maintain a keen and well-functioning mind. I play computer chess every morning; no cheating, the computer won鈥檛 let me. I follow that with solving a couple of crossword puzzles, and then I work on my writing. One of my younger friends once asked me during a telephone conversation if I knew how to keep an old fart in suspense, and when I honestly answered that I did not, he had the nerve to say that he would tell me the next day.
听听听听听听听听听听听 Marion insisted that I take a smartness test. I got the first answer wrong. The question was: 鈥淲hat does the acronym UFO stand for?鈥� I couldn鈥檛 help myself and answered: 鈥淯FO equals US President Farts Often.鈥� I do know the right answer. It is 鈥渉mm鈥�. Useless Frightening Octopus.鈥�
The next question was: 鈥淵ou are driving your SUV with eight people, you drop off four at the pool, but you pick up two more who want to be dropped at the gym. At the gym three people get off and one gets on. At the library three people get off. Who鈥檚 driving the SUV?鈥� Again, I gave the wrong answer, because all these people getting on and off confused me, so I said: 鈥淏eats me,鈥� whereas the answer should have been 鈥淵ou.鈥澨�
听听听听听听听听听听听 It is sort of common knowledge that short-term memory disappears when one gets older. But I鈥檓 happy to be able to dispel that myth. My short-term memory has improved, because now I can clearly remember that I forgot to remember what I should have remembered.
Marion also has a great memory. She remembers that I should have remembered and remembers to remind me about remembering what I forgot to remember.
听听听听听听听听听听听 We鈥檙e busy planting our garden, and it looks great. We have all our potatoes planted, corn, onions and beets. I like beets, but it beats me that my son doesn鈥檛. Anyway, I have always called a spade a spade; that is until yesterday when I stepped on the blade and got smacked by the handle. Now I have two words for it, the second word is shovel.
听听听听听听听听听听听 Now that we live on our pensions and have to closely watch our expenses, I鈥檓 seriously considering implementing an old Scottish tradition. When we have company over for a meal, especially breakfast, I鈥檇 heat up all the knives, that way nobody will be able to load up on butter.
听听听听听听听听听听听 At my last doctor鈥檚 appointment, the nurse asked me what my weight was at my heaviest. I told her 340 pounds give or take. Then she asked me my lowest weight ever. I had to be honest with her, so I said as far as I know that would be seven pounds and six ounces. I have watched my food intake, or I should say the food that I don鈥檛 intake, you know all that good stuff you get at your favourite burger joint. I now tip the scales at 261 pounds, that is 118 kilos if you think metric, and I鈥檓 still determined to shed about 40 more pounds.
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听听听听听听听听听听听 The banker advised me that they wave all the normal service charges, because of my old age. I felt insulted. He could have been more politically correct and said advanced age. But it got me thinking. I鈥檓 in the early to mid-stage of 70. Wow, when I was 20, I considered those the age of 70 to be ancient old relics, and now I am one! How did that happen? In my mind, I鈥檓 still surfing around in the mid-30s. I鈥檓 approaching my birthday, and that鈥檚 good because the more birthdays you celebrate the longer you live.
