聽 聽 聽 聽 聽 聽 The snow has finally gone; the robins are pulling earthworms out of the lawn. Marion and Casey are preparing the garden and have already planted the potatoes. I鈥檓 not very mobile these days due to my inner ear malady causing me to be off balance. However, I got tired of sitting around watching all the outdoor activities and not helping out. I figured I could mow the lawn with the push mower, as holding on to the handle would keep me in balance.
聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 First, we had to get the mower out of the shed, and then we had to make sure that we had enough gas. Marion had put gas line antifreeze in the mower鈥檚 gas tank last fall, so with some good gas it should start. We found a jerry can of gas and while Marion was in the house looking for the ear protectors, I wrestled the mower out of the shed. I filled the tank with gas, and tried to start it by priming the carburetor as required and repeatedly pulling the starter cord, but nothing.聽 I was about to throw the old mower on the scrap heap when Marion came back, took a look at the choke setting, adjusted it, pulled the starter cord: low and behold the old relic started.
聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 We have sort of an upper and lower lawn, so I started on the upper one, and if I have to say so myself, I thought I did a darn good job. However, the inspector (Marion) pointed out a few missed areas, but said she would take care of that with the weed wacker.
聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 Finished with the upper lawn, I moved to the lower area, lined up the mower so that I would cut in a straight line. I started to get a bit tired at this point, but my macho ego would not let me succumb to take a rest in a comfortable lawn chair. Oh No. I had to push on. I made a complete run around the lower yard, cutting a nice swath. The second time around the swath got even wider. But the third time was the prize winner. I got to the far end of the lawn where I would normally turn and decided to push the mower faster ahead than usual. I promptly lost my balance and started leaning forward in a fast stagger. The mower got away from me, flipped to the side and the motor cut off because of the dead man switch (very appropriate description).
聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 The momentum made me stumble run forward faster and faster. And I got the sensation that the stately old tree by the fence, and the fence, were coming at me very fast.聽 I ended up hitting the tree using my right hand. Then I flipped over kissing the ground with my left hand and shoulder. I know it was the right hand first, because that鈥檚 where the thumb is on the left, then the left hand where the thumb is on the right.
聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 Marion heard the commotion and came running. I was unable to get my oversized (fat) bum off the ground, so she got the articulating ladder and a 鈥渃ome along.鈥澛� She manipulated the ladder so it made a tall 鈥淰鈥� and placed it over me, fastened one end of the 鈥渃ome along鈥� at the top, then wrapped a line around my chest under the armpits, hooked it to the 鈥渃ome along,鈥� and started ratcheting. She was able to get me back on my feet inch by agonizing inch. McGyver has nothing on her.聽 (Marion made me write it. Not true. But she did help me up.) That was the end of my short-lived career as a lawn maintenance man.
聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 But the day was not over yet. Eggs. I love eggs. I have to have eggs and they have to be farm eggs. I assured Marion that I was perfectly fine, so she phoned Malynda the egg lady and placed the order. They have an acreage outside of Unity, about 45 minutes from Wilkie, and we could pick up the eggs right away. Marion drove and I was riding shotgun. She did all the talking. I said very little because I didn鈥檛 want her to pick up on the fact that I was in pain. Eggs are more important than pain. After we had picked up the eggs, I had to confess that I was indeed suffering from pain in my wrists, elbows and shoulders.
We explained to the doctor that the accident happened early in the morning and it was now late in the afternoon before I sought medical advice. She asked why we waited until late afternoon to consult with her and I had to tell her that eggs were indeed more important.聽 Marion鈥檚 day of gardening was completely shot, and even though she chastised me for not confessing to the hurts all over my body, she did provide me with much appreciated TLC.
Somebody once said that hard work doesn鈥檛 harm anyone, but why take the chance? I surely found out otherwise. C.E. Cowman, a missionary to Japan, once said: 鈥淚 always thought a yard was three feet, then I started mowing the lawn (yard).
A frustrated housewife declared the following: 鈥淲hy are husbands like lawnmowers? It鈥檚 because they are difficult to get started, emit foul odours, and don鈥檛 work half the time.鈥�
Snow is the great equalizer. It makes all the yards look the same.
And lastly, a new title for an old song: 鈥淚t was the dawning of the Age of Asparagus.鈥�
