There I was sitting in front of my PC doing some work when an idea for a topic to write about entered my mind, ever so fleetingly. 鈥淭hat鈥檚 a good one,鈥� I thought, 鈥淚 can have fun with that!鈥� I decided to finish what I was doing and get right on the topic. However, by the time I got around to it, I had forgotten what the topic was! And it won鈥檛 come back to me! You should know that I have a photographic memory, but it has never been developed! Maybe if I took my laptop computer for a run, it might jog my memory? My memory is like the memory of my PC, only I have forgotten the password!
聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 Marion must have my password as she seems to be able to bring forth many of my pleasant memories. Me? I keep working on pushing electronic buttons. I tried pushing all of Marion鈥檚 buttons once, but I鈥檒l never do that again! My TV, VCR and all the remotes have electronic buttons, as does my PC. Whenever I mess up, which is about every second day, my son Justin has to come and fix it. Then he shows me how to do it, but because I keep forgetting the password to the memories locked in my head, I mess up again. Or maybe I just keep doing the same thing because I enjoy his company. My memory is like鈥�.. never mind I said that already!
聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 Marion is busy with renovations, and had contracted with plumbing and heating guys to come and replace the old furnace and hot water tank. Young guys less than half my age, they took one look at the old furnace and suggested to Marion that if she could get it out in one piece then a museum would likely pay good money for it. They installed the new furnace and hot water tank, and then the fun began for Marion to dismantle the old furnace. The first thing she noticed was the date the furnace was built. It was embossed on the solid cast iron small access door, and it showed the year 鈥�1952.鈥� Boy that made me feel just great! The contractor had suggested that the old furnace belonged in a museum! What about me? I was made in 1943 and I鈥檓 therefore nine years older than the darn furnace! Does that make me an antique? Don鈥檛 you dare answer that question! Today is the oldest that I鈥檝e ever been, yet the youngest I'll ever be, so I will enjoy this day while it lasts. You might not have thought of this, but in just two days from now, tomorrow will be yesterday.
聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 The old furnace worked just fine until the gas was shut off. The gas was the fuel that kept it going. Me? I always made sure that I had more than enough fuel. Something I had worked hard on up until now: three square meals a day, but the difference between me and the furnace is that the furnace got just enough fuel to sustain itself. Me? I made sure to build up a reserve, thinking that I might need it later on. Boy was I wrong! My reserve became an extra burden, and almost cracked the scale!
聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 A friend of mine had a problem with his arm, and went to a walk-in medical clinic. He told the doctor that his arm hurt in several places, and the doctor鈥檚 advice was to not go back to those places anymore!
聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 Many years ago in Vancouver I saw an advertisement in large bold letters for a legal firm of Wright and Wong, and in small letters it said that if you picked Wright you wouldn鈥檛 be Wong, and if you picked Wong you would be Wright. Then we moved to Winnipeg where the local dairy trucks had big signs on them that said 鈥淵ou can whip our cream but you can鈥檛 beat our milk!鈥� Apparently the dairy was bought up and the whole thing soured (don鈥檛 groan). There was a haberdasher in the mall, who displayed a sign above his tie rack that said, 鈥淭wo silk worms had a race, they ended up in a tie!鈥�
聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 Many retail businesses will go out of their way to attract customers. A stationary store had a couple of signs in the window, one stated, 鈥淣o matter how much you push the envelope, it is still stationary.鈥� Right next to it there was another sign that said, 鈥淭o write with a broken pencil is pointless!鈥� And the best sign I have ever seen was hanging in the window of truck stop caf茅, it said 鈥淥pen 24 hours 鈥� Closed between 2 a.m. and 8 a.m.鈥�
聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 When I was in the hospital recently, I overheard another patient who had a problem with constipation and had been given some stool softening medication, telling the nurse that he had a bowel movement about 5 a.m. 鈥淭hat鈥檚 great!鈥� exclaimed the nurse. 鈥淲ell,鈥� said the patient, 鈥淚 don鈥檛 know about that, I didn鈥檛 wake up until 6 a.m.!鈥�
聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 An inane direction printed on an over-the-counter laxative says in part, 鈥淭ake once or twice daily with a glass of water, preferably at bedtime.鈥� Excuse me?! Most people including me only have one bedtime in 24 hours, usually in the late evening, so how am I going to take this laxative twice in a day? Before an afternoon nap? What if I refuse to take a nap? Am I then guilty of resisting a rest?
