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Magazines are like an ex that won鈥檛 let go

Column by Brian Zinchuk

聽 聽 聽 聽 聽 聽 For Christmas of 2014, I had a nice little idea. With the intention of getting the kids to read more, I bought them each a magazine subscription. For Katrina, it was National Geographic. For Spencer, it was National Geographic Kids.

聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 And hopefully, they would spend the year reading.

聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 Well, it kind of worked. Spencer enjoyed his NGK, but Katrina, well, I don鈥檛 know if she read one issue. But that鈥檚 okay, because I enjoy National Geographic.

聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 Indeed, at the same time I ordered National Geographic, I figured, 鈥淵ou know, I used to really enjoy Popular Mechanics, but never had a subscription. I should get one.鈥

聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 And so I did.

聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 I鈥檓 an adult now. I can do that.

聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 And in doing so, it prompted me to consider another subscription, to Car and Driver. As a red-blooded, car-crazed, 鈥67 Buick-driving teenager, I had a subscription to Car and Driver. It was filled with cars I could never, ever afford, but hey, they looked shiny. Click 鈥 bought that one. Then it suggested Road & Track 鈥 even more shiny cars I will never, ever afford. Click 鈥 bought that one too. Then I figured I better stop buying magazines before I go broke. Adult sensibility kicked in.

聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 A month later, my mailbox started to fill. Instead of just numerous bank statements and utility bills, I started getting literature! Wow!

聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 A year later, I had hardly flipped through, never mind read, any of it except for the occasional Popular Mechanics and National Geographic. National Geographic and NGK got renewed, the rest didn鈥檛.

聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 It turns out my interests have changed since I was a teenager. Sexy fast cars just don鈥檛 turn my crank they way they once did. Spencer picked up one copy of Car and Driver, flipped through it in about 30 seconds, was somewhat impressed, and put it down again. And that was the end of that.

聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 I wonder if it鈥檚 my changing interests, or the format. I read dozens of online pieces a day, largely to keep abreast of the oil business, but other fields of interest as well. This includes photography.

聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 I used to get four different photography magazines a month 鈥 Digital Photo Pro, Shutterbug, PDN and Rangefinder. I used to read almost every article. But after a few years I found there was next to nothing new in these magazines 鈥 for me, at least. I could almost predict word-for-word what the article would say, based on the headline. 鈥淣ew Canon camera! Has more megapixels, better low-light performance!鈥

聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 A larger part of that comes from me getting close to the point of 鈥渕astering my craft.鈥 As in, there鈥檚 very little in the way of technique in these magazines that I don鈥檛 know or can鈥檛 figure out. That鈥檚 not from having a big head, it鈥檚 just when you鈥檝e done photography long enough, you eventually get the hang of it. It鈥檚 not brain surgery.

聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 Getting to that point, I greatly benefited for reading all these magazines. But now it鈥檚 mostly, 鈥淢eh.鈥

聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 Magazines, however, are like the ex-girlfriend who will not let go. Many months before the subscriptions were set to expire, the renewal notices started coming in the mail. Now that they expired about three months ago, I am still getting notices. In the past couple days, three months after my subscription ended, Road & Track sent me an addressed 鈥渁dmail鈥 letter with 鈥淚nvoice enclosed鈥 on the front. Invoice for what? I never renewed.

聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 The Popular Mechanics鈥 letter says, 鈥淒ated materials enclosed.鈥

聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 It never ends. I think they spend more on postage sending me renewal notices long before and long after my one-year subscription ended, than they spent on mailing the magazines themselves.

聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 鈥淲e must advise you that your order for Popular Mechanics remains unpaid. 聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 Unfortunately, we will have to discontinue your service if you do not pay immediately.鈥

聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 That鈥檚 funny, I never renewed. How do I owe you money?

聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 Similarly, Road & Track thanked me for my subscription, sent me an invoice, and said my payment is now due.

聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 I鈥檓 sorry, dear. It was fun while it lasted, but I鈥檓 just not that into you anymore Road & Track, Car and Driver and Popular Mechanics. Have a nice life. Go away now.

聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 You鈥檙e like a clingy ex that won鈥檛 let go.

聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 Shoo! And leave my mailbox to the bank statements and National Geographic.

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